


heavy limbs

by convenience



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Late at Night, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Transphobia, Vent Work, but its referenced, i love the alvarez family, penelope the best mom, syd (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 04:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17891120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/convenience/pseuds/convenience
Summary: Her limbs were too heavy against the bed that stubbornly refused to envelop her to change any of it, though, so she lay there and tried to work up a reply but gave up in the end when it felt like she was pushing a boulder up a steep hill that never ended.------Elena's dad suggests a couple of drinks for her eighteenth. Safe to say it's a no





	heavy limbs

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I just finished the series and had a talk to my friend about my own issues and why Elena hit so hard. So have this jumper made of tears.

Elena was beginning to wonder if she was broken.

She had been at her father’s wedding in a tux, and she had done two speeches, both true. She had gotten the father daughter dance she had cried about for two years. She saw her father regularly. Everything was so good, everyone was so happy, she had gone to pride with Nikki and her dad, she and Syd were doing so good - Syd was nearly top of the national Magic: The Gathering league and she was so proud of them.

So why did her blood boil whilst her father talked? Why did she still get panic attacks about taking Syd to meet her dad? Why was she still scared of something that had changed? Why did she scan the house for alcohol before sitting down?

Elena was young when her parents separated, but she remembered it all. Even as a kid, she was smart. Sometimes she heard shouting at school, on the TV, and it scared her. The smell of alcohol made her reek and she had never been so scared as when Syd phoned her drunk after her parents safely celebrated her eighteenth with wine, telling her that she loved her and that she’d see her soon. Elena was not young when she got stood up at her quinces, or when she was told that it was just a phase by the one person she couldn’t handle rejection from apart from her mama and her abuelita. You can only be hurt so many times before the heart remembers and defends itself with barriers. Ironic, Elena thought, that her heart was quickly explained by the same system Trump was using.

Alex was the most important person in Elena’s life - she hated him but she’d lay down her life for him in a split second if that’s what he needed. He was too young to remember anything from when his father was an alcoholic, or when he’d sleep through the shouting, and he was too naive to understand just what Elena had gone through when she was stood up. He’d fixed it, right? He’d talked to his papi, he’d made sure that he never hurt his sister again, told him that he would easily choose Elena over seeing him, and now everyone was so close.

So when her Dad sent her a text asking if she wanted to get drinks for her eighteenth, only her mama would have understood why she closed her bedroom door for a while. It would have been locked, but there were no locks allowed on bedroom doors. They had only just got one for the bathroom.

“Elena? Honey? Are you in?” Penelope called from the front door, letting herself in and closing the door behind her “Elena?”

Elena could hear her bag and keys be set down on the table, her shoes swapped for her slippers. She knew she should respond, but her heart felt so heavy yet it had managed to slowly climb up her shoulders and lodge itself in her throat, her chest now suddenly heavy as she began to attempt to speak. The image of her nestled in bed in Syd’s T-shirt and pajama trousers, both stained with cold sweat, snot and tears, the baby blue pillows stained with navy blue tear marks from the amount of times that day that she’d thought she was done crying - she wasn’t - was an image that would most likely upset or disturb her mother, who had so much going on at that moment to worry about her overreacting to a text that she hadn’t replied to. Her limbs were too heavy against the bed that stubbornly refused to envelop her to change any of it, though, so she lay there and tried to work up a reply but gave up in the end when it felt like she was pushing a boulder up a steep hill that never ended.

“Oh, baby. Are you okay? Are you ill? What’s happening?” Her mama sounded panicked. Was she doing something wrong? Her breathing only got heavier and quicker as she spiraled uncontrollably, closing her eyes as she attempted to block everything out. She felt soft, warm hands on her forearms and opened her eyes to see her mum crouching by her bedside. “Hey, breathe, okay? You’re okay, I’ve got you, you’re okay, I love you”

Normally, Penelope would not say such things - they were Cuban, honest ‘I love you’s were for weddings and when you’d really fucked up and someone really needed to know. But she knew that when Elena spiraled, her brain’s go to was that she was a nuisance and no-one thought she was worth it. It was nice to have a reason to tell her greatest accomplishment how wonderful she was, actually. Alex got a scary amount of praise from her mama, and she didn’t want Elena to go without just because she could.

Elena’s breathing slowed and she felt the weight shift on the bed as Penelope sat next to her, gently placing a hand on her back, rubbing in slow circles. She didn’t know what she’d do without her mama, and she didn’t want to think about it. So she didn’t.

“You don’t have to talk, but if you want to, I am here for you. Are you okay? Something happen with Syd?” Penelope asked softly, aware that Syd and Elena had been dating for some years now, and a breakup would likely do something of this multitude. Something in her gut told her it was worse.

After calming a little more, she handed her phone to her mama, still glaring white with her father’s message. Elena cuddled into her more, resting her head on her shoulder, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to look at the glaring white screen without her glasses and have to hurt her already sore eyes.

“Oh, Elena… I’m sorry” Penelope sighed, putting the phone aside on the dresser next to the bed before feeling a buzz in her own pocket and ignoring it “Your papi is just doing his best to give you a normal eighteenth. He doesn’t mean anything harmful by it, he should know not to mention it though - I’ll sort that later - you panicking because of the drinking, yeah?”

“He can’t drink, Mami. Every time I’m there I check every room for anything, even Alex’s. I check the bathroom for rum, mami! It’s not normal, it’s so irrational, and I know he’s changed and it’s rude to check but I have to! What if he starts drinking again, and he hurts Alex? Or Nikki? Or Me? Or Himself?” Elena exclaimed, every breath used like one she would never get again and she would sorely miss.  
“Baby, you shouldn’t have to worry about that,” Her mother told her softly, though Elena was well are of what she should have to do and what she shouldn’t have to.

“I know, mami! I know! But I do! Because when has he been able to look after me first time before? When has he been a good dad? I know he’s doing well, but he was last time - how long until he does it again? Everyone drinks! You drink, abuelita drinks, Alex really wants to drink, Syd drinks - and you’re all fine! But he’s not. He hurts people, Mami, even when he’s sober! Either that or he’s drunk every time me and Syd kiss infront of him” Elena hadn’t meant to come out with that last bit, but it was out now.

“Honey, no-one likes it when you and Syd kiss - it’s gross, you’re my baby” Penelope chuckled, worry building in her chest as she listened to her daughter.

“You find it gross, he is disgusted, there is a difference, ma! He says he is doing his best but his best is not enough because Syd feels uncomfortable when we go over there! I don’t care how confused he is, if abuelita can call Syd by their pronouns, so can dad.” 

“Is that why Syd never goes over to your papi’s with you? I’m so sorry, baby, why didn’t you tell me?” Penelope was full of rage that the hulk could only hypothesise - Elena had made sure that she knew that Bruce Banner had seven phds by the time she was eleven.

“Because everything is so good! Alex is so happy and you’re happy and I don’t want to ruin it” Elena told her “And it’s upsetting my relationship, because how can Syd believe I love them when I can’t even stand up to my dad for them?”

“Syd knows you love them, Elena - you took them out for dinner with your papi and Nikki, you do that weird costume thing with them even for shows you don’t know, and hell, you talk about them more than anything. They know, alright? Plus, you practically live in her clothes” Penelope told her with a satisfied hum - really, she was glad she’d raised such a good girlfriend, because holy hell were they weird and perfect for eachother. “Is Syd okay?”

“Syd’s okay, they might be coming over in a bit, I phoned them and told them I was going through a rough patch and that I was okay. I can’t read texts with no glasses, and we text a lot” Elena told her wetly, her crying finishing for good now - she hoped. “Are you going to talk to papi?”

“Yes. I am. If you want to too, that is perfectly fine and I think it’ll be good for you to get all this out to him. But I need to talk to him, about your birthday, and about how he treats your sydnifigant other, alright?”

“Aw, you’re using the term!” Elena laughed softly “Thank you, Mami. I don’t know what I’d do without you”

“Don’t think about that, eh? Anyway, you and Syd are going to live in the tardis with six chinchillas all named after your favourite drag queens and feminists, and I’ve never been more happy to say such a weird sentence”

“You can’t live in the tardis. But thank you. Are you going to live with me like abuelita? Or are you living with Alex and Schneider” Elena asked, putting her glasses on and responding to a text from Syd. 

“Alex and Schneider are living together? Why did no-one tell me this” Penelope asked, getting up from the bed “Actually, I don’t want to know. I’m living with you and Syd”


End file.
